


More than fine

by BloodyFreckles



Category: Mr. Robot (TV), Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8107483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyFreckles/pseuds/BloodyFreckles
Summary: A year after Josh leaves the mountains, back to civilization, he comes across his new neighbor who seems to be his near twin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this isn't the best fic but I was inspired to write and so I did. I needed more Elliot/Josh in my life. I also need more Elliot/Mr. Robot too but this will do for now. I might write timestamps.
> 
> This is of course alternate universe, given Elliot lives in New York City. And the Fsociety attack didn't happen here. 
> 
> lmao, one more thing, I know shit about hacking, so forgive any glaring mistakes here.

It's a disappointing notion that he can't leave home. He still sees them, you know? Mom says they aren't there. Dad says they aren't too but they have to be. He still argues with them that they're not real, that it wasn't his fault they died but they won't stop, they're persistent. Angry. Hannah and Beth have to be spirits. It's all he can think about at this point. Even though, taking his medicine regularly keeps them away, giving him the ability to ignore them. 

He used to be full of life, well, he tried to be beyond the depression and delusions but these days he's something of a shadow. He tries, he really tries but things fall flat. He could leave the house, but only when he's had his meds first thing in the afternoon but he decides to stay inside. He travels as far as the back yard. Stays out there to barbeque on his own, sticks himself underneath the awning to watch the birds in the bath or the deer that jaunt through the woods of his back yard. 

It's safe. 

There's no one there to judge the crazy guy, who can't even go to film school and fulfill his dreams of becoming a producer or director. He never even got to decide. 

He's okay, for now. 

Sometimes Chris and Sam come over. Sometimes Mike and Jessica do too. Emily, Matt and Ashley still haven't forgiven him. He understands, he fucked up. He went too far but they have to understand too, they were in the wrong as well and he had to have revenge, some sort of closure on the whole thing. He wanted them to be as scared as they both felt, as scared as he felt they might be before they died.

Knowing how they died is a horrible feeling, knowing that Hannah is on that mountain, roaming and tracking to devour human flesh pulls at his heart strings. 

It's an overcast day in sunny L.A, rare weather. He looks out the side window in the living room, where he sees the moving truck out there and movers carrying stuff into the house next door. He keeps seeing one figure in particular, some guy who looks like he might be his age, wearing all black with the sides of his head mostly shaved and hair on top. 

If he's a stoner, Josh might make a friend and get high with him. That's judgmental, isn't it? Just because he looks like a common hoodlum, doesn't mean he smokes pot or he's into screamo for that matter. He slips his hands into the pockets of his jeans and watches for the next two hours, just standing there until everything is placed in the house. Then he watches as the guy disappears and a woman stands out there in a prim and proper lady suit, handing over cash to the workers.

After she disappears, he waits and gets bored since the guy doesn't show up again. He wants companionship, he really does because he hates isolation and being alone but he doesn't know what else to do at this point. 

He's a danger to himself and others, so this is the only answer he has. 

Watching from afar seems like a great choice.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

Moving in with his mom was inevitable. He won't take all of his meds, because he doesn't want to be zombifed like the rest of the world but he can't handle the hallucinations of his dad, the hallucinations of everything else, losing time and days, the constant paranoia. He has to find a common ground.

So, he breaks his pills up in halves and dry swallows. 

It's manageable this way. He can think more clearly, he can ignore the things that aren't real. He feels less depressed, sometimes he actually smiles but here he has no friends and his mother isn't someone he wants to hang out with. She says _'You're still my child, my blood, so you can stay with me but it's best we do things separately.'_

Figures. 

Even in adult life, she can't change how she feels toward him or Darlene. 

Seems like they really screwed up her pussy and youth, so she's still taking it out on them.

The downstairs is already unpacked, everything in place and he did his mother's room. Last night he slept with his mattress on the floor. It was a good sleep. He didn't mind it. There weren't even nightmares, so maybe this move was a good thing. 

They won't have internet for the next three days, because it's the weekend, and the earliest they can send someone is Tuesday. He feels restless without the internet. His next door neighbors are The Washingtons as his mother and him were told by the neighbor lady, who brought peanut butter cookies, this afternoon. Elliot didn't even have to fish for names, she name dropped left and right, including how the father, Bob, was a big time movie producer. 

He wrote down in a notebook all the information he had learned. Then ate an apple, zoning in and out as he listened to some rock station to pass the time. 

He gets his bed together, it's finally off the floor and then sets everything else up. It takes a matter of two hours. He really doesn't have much. He hasn't since he was a kid.

He needs to leave the house for a few, but he isn't ready to walk around his new neighborhood, so he heads outside into the sprawling backyard. Mr. Robot follows him but doesn't talk, he won't start talking until the meds wear off and he needs another dose. Because he halves them up, they last long and he doesn't have to spend quite as much on medications. 

He doesn't tell his therapist this though. She'd just make him promise to take it all and then he'd be... not him. 

On the way through the kitchen, he grabs a bottle of mango juice, then steps onto the lawn, where the furniture is set up and takes a seat. His bare feet are against the harsh pavement but he doesn't mind. It's peaceful out here. There's no traffic in these parts and so it's nice. He guesses being rich, his mother's riches, can afford the best comforts.

Sometimes, he feels like a sell out. 

He opens the mango juice, takes a long sip and then hears cursing from the other side of the fence. He stops drinking and looks over, listening for him. There's a string of curses, then silence and then...

“I'm not getting what I deserve, Hannah. It was an accident.” 

He tilts his head, looking thoughtful. He didn't hear the sound of the a woman's voice. Didn't the woman say Hannah and Beth Washington in some tragic accident on a mountain somewhere? Peculiar. Was this Josh? The recluse? Did he... did he sees things too? Did he hear them? 

It bothers him that he can't look it up. 

He'll have to wait.

Even though patience is his forte and yet has never been. 

Particularly when it comes to learning about new people.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

He keeps a journal. It's filled with all his thoughts. All the good memories he has of his family, especially Hannah and Beth. All the memories he has with his friends. More and more recently it's filled with good days he has spent with Sam and Chris. They try to get him out of the house, but he just can't leave. It's dangerous out there, not safe. He can't trust it.

He needs to get laid. 

He stands up and walks around his room, taking deep breaths. He's fine, he can wait it out. He has his left hand for company. Besides, having sex isn't important anymore. He'd probably end up going nuts and choking whatever girl took pity on his crazy ass. 

He stops, closing his eyes for a moment. He wants this to be over, to go back before it got worse. He knows he has no choice to but to accept he'll probably always be mentally ill but he wishes he could just be a little better.

He wants to be more than fine.

He wants to be free. 

The window on the left side of his room is open, a slight breeze coming inside, he hears someone talking outside and turns to look, slightly opening the curtain. Across from him is the new guy next door, he's pulling off his shirt and keeps stopping, talking to someone. He doesn't hear a second voice. So, maybe this guy is one of those oddballs that talks to themselves. 

He doubts anyone is as crazy as he is. He actually talks to people who are invisible to others, when others just have conversations with themselves because it's a human condition. He, however, can't make out what the guy is saying. The guy pulls on a pair of dark grey briefs and for a second, Josh, sees his ass and feels uncomfortable for invading his privacy. 

As he's about to move away from the window, the guy looks up and over, their eyes catch and it's the oddest thing. It's almost like he's looking into a mirror with a thinner face than his own. They get into a deadlock stare before this vacant look comes over the guy's features and he closes the window, shutting his curtains.

“Way to creep out your new neighbor, Washington,” he mutters to himself as he backs up and decides to go downstairs for a couple blueberry poptarts. 

It's the lunch of champions afterall.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

Today the internet got turned on. There's a buzzing underneath his skin, that sensation of feel right, now that he can creep around in servers, in people's lives and garner information about them. He won't feel so alone then.

He clicks into the wifi, waits for it to finish connecting and then starts researching the neighbors he's met so far. There's Alicia Morrison. The neighbor who brought the peanut butter cookies and her husband Andrew Morrison. They're relatively simple people. They lost their fifteen year old daughter ten years ago to a kidnapper. The husband is still in therapy, while Alicia has obviously moved on. He's ben diagnosed with depression. Looks like it won't be going away anytime soon.

Alicia also talks to someone on the internet three times a week, late at night. It looks like a secret affair, but he doesn't think she's met them. They just talk. He gets the feeling she just wants to feel special because her husband's too depressed to really make her feel that way anymore. He'll hack her camera later and see how she responds to the chats with her online friend.

Next he goes through other neighbors, some have deep dark secrets that don't interest him, others are so normal they're a blip on the radar. 

Then the Washingtons are normal too. There's the father, who makes big time money. The mother who travels all the time and goes to social events. He reads about the deceased twins, and the tragic accident, that it's still under investigation even though there the other people on the mountain a year ago that told them what really happened. Wendigos they claimed but the police didn't believe them. He doesn't know if he could believe it either, but anythings possible, right?

The Washingtons are normal except for Josh. Josh isn't normal. He's exceptional. He's different, like him. The interview by the police says he's babbling, talking about his dead sisters and how nothing was his fault. The monsters he kept saying, his sister turned into a monster. They deserved it, they all deserved it. The police report goes on and on. 

At first, he thinks maybe the incident drove him mad but that's not the case. He hacks into the Washington's wifi and gets access to Josh's computer. He finds a video of Josh and boots up. It's of his sisters, and him on Christmas three years prior. Everyone is there unwrapping presents, including a girl named Sam. He learns that she's the twins' bestfriend. 

Josh doesn't come into the video until about twenty minutes later. It's obvious he was recording. He sits on the ground, grinning like a loon as he opens his own presents. He gets a high tech camera, and some other things Elliot doesn't really recognize. Things that make Josh happy. Then the camera zooms in on his face and his eyes widen in shock. Josh looks like him but he's stockier, his face thicker. 

He has the same bat ears though, the same bug eyes. It's uncanny, they could be twins. Somehow, he's more attractive than Elliot, in his humble opinion. He looks... so happy, he smiles, it's confident or maybe false confidence, he isn't sure yet. He was the guy in the window yesterday, watching him. 

He's more than interested. This feels like a lifeline. He has to learn more. 

He digs around until he finds a website on mental illness in his browser history but he can't tell if there's any one he has. Everything has been picked clean through and looked at. So, he decides to start digging into therapist office and hospitals around the city. He starts with the general area, it seems logical.

It takes him two hours, but he finds what he's looking for. Dr. Red Rivers. He has twenty five patients, and he's overpaid to listen to people for hours and prescribe medicine he thinks will help. But that doesn't matter, all he wants is to learn about Josh. 

He finds his file and starts reading over it. Josh was diagnosed with depression as a child, just like him. It progressively got worse. Like him he's afraid of being alone, but unlike him, he's outgoing and tries to keep himself surrounded by people. Lately though, he's been cutting himself off and staying away from others. Elliot wonders if he gave up like him. Does he not like being touched? Did something happen in his childhood for that to happen? Does he have social anxiety?  
'  
Then the bigger stuff comes. Three years ago, when his sister's died. Things got worse. He started seeing them, they blamed him for their deaths. He has delusions, like him, sees dead relatives, like him. He feels alone but doesn't know how to change it. He punished his friends by playing an elaborate prank on them, the night they all almost died. A very sinister prank, but brilliant. He's a genius in his own right, like Elliot is as a hacker. 

Elliot stares at the screen for the longest time. 

He has a near twin. 

They're different but the same. 

He wants to make a friend, even if it's difficult and goes against his mental disabilities.

He wants to know more about Josh Washington and not through a computer screen. 

He looks out the window into the window across from his. The curtains are open and he can hear some kind of hip hop playing. Not his kind of music. Again, near twin.

_How do I befriend you, Joshua Washington? Do you think I should? I'm awkward, I don't know what to say. It'd be nice to have a friend besides you. Should I? What do you think?_

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

It's another overcast day, it's like this in the fall but it still rarely rains. He lays underneath the trees, staring up through the leaves at the sky. No one's home, like always. Sam said she'd be over later in the week, but she's so busy with college and becoming a psychical therapist that they often miss each other. Not like he has a busy schedule but sometimes he's so tired from his depression, that he sleeps in.

It's dinner, he needs to eat but he doesn't feel like grilling. He'll make grilled cheese, tomato soup and french fries. He's twenty one, and he still likes his comfort foods from childhood. 

He gets up and walks inside the house, shutting the sliding door behind him. As he walks into the kitchen, there's a knock on the door. He stops right there, and wonders if it's Chris. He's the only one who is taking a year off from college. He still isn't over that night. 

He walks to the door and pulls it open partway to look out, where he sees a black hooded figure standing there, purposely not looking up. “Can I help you?”

The guy looks up and again, it's like staring into a distorted mirror. His eyes are just a little glazed and his mouth works slowly, like he's trying to speak but doesn't know how to, then he does. “I...I'm Elliot. I just moved next door.”

Josh blinks. “Is this about how I was watching you the other day? Because, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to do that... sometimes I just do weird things.” 

Elliot shakes his head a little. “No. I just...”

Josh cocks an eyebrow and opens the door the rest of the way. “Come in. I'm about to make dinner and I could use some company.”

Elliot jerks his head in a nod, pushing past Josh and walking inside. 

Josh stares as he walks by. What's up with this guy? He's weirder than him.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

It's fascinating to watch him, as he alternates between flipping grilled cheese sandwiches and taking fries out of the grease, into the strainer. It shouldn't be interesting but it is. He must notice that they're practically twins, but their energies are different. Josh isn't lethargic and hollow like him, he's more full of life. Maybe he feels hollow anyway and keeps it to himself.

“I'm taking a couple years off from college. I don't know if I want to go back into psychology or become a film maker. I want to be a film producer more though, or a director. Whichever I feel gives me more creative freedom in the end,” Josh says as he finishes up the grilled cheese. 

And there goes the difference. Josh wants to be surrounded with people, work with many people and Elliot doesn't like people quite that much. 

“Hey, I've got a playstation 3 if you want to play after we eat,” Josh says, glancing back at him with a smile.

“Sure,” Elliot finds himself saying. He's more of a pc gamer, whenever he does play games but he doesn't mind consoles. 

“Great, bro,” Josh says, as he finishes up the french fries and tomato soup. Then he dishes out plates and bowls, putting the plate of halved grilled cheeses between them. “Dig in. I promise, I'm not a terrible cook.”

Elliot squirts himself some ketchup as he watches Josh do something strange with his own food. He mixes ranch dressing and ketchup, but that's not the strange part, he also mixes in barbeque sauce. He doesn't comment on that though. Everyone has their preferred tastes. “Do you live alone?” He already knows the answer, but he doesn't want Josh knowing that. 

“No, my parents live here too but they aren't often home,” Josh says, shrugging as he shovels a fry in his mouth. 

“I live with my mom,” Elliot admits. 

“Really?,” Josh asks, chewing on another fry, albeit slowly. 

“Yes,” Elliot says. 

“Nice to know I'm not the only guy without his life together,” Josh says nonchalantly as Elliot stares at him, unblinking. Josh looks up, and frowns. “Sorry. I didn't mean to offend.”

“No offense taken,” Elliot says, picking up his grilled cheese and dipping it in ketchup. He really didn't want tomato soup but he didn't know how to decline without coming off as rude.

“Tell me about yourself,” Josh says, eating another fry. 

What does he say? That he's as crazy as Josh. That they have more in common than he knows? He can't divulge that he knows more than he let's on. He doesn't want to lose a potential friend. “I don't know what to say.”

“If you tell me why you don't have your life together, I'll tell you why I don't have mine,” Josh says. 

An exchange. Even though Elliot already knows, he still wants to hear it from him. “I'm certifiably crazy.”

Josh stares at him. “Like how?”

“Social anxiety disorder, clinical depression, paranoid delusions, hallucinations,” Elliot says and somehow it comes to him easily.

Josh doesn't say anything for a long time, then he speaks. “I..yeah? Guess we're in the same boat then.” Then he tells Elliot what's wrong with him. “I see my dead sisters.” 

“I see my dead father,” Elliot admits. 

“We're two peas in a pod,” Josh says, smiling. 

He must notice they look alike too. You'd have to be blind not to.  
Elliot just nods. 

“We should be friends,” Josh says, picking around a piece of grilled cheese.

“I'd like that,” He finds himself saying. 

“Me too,” Josh says, looking somehow radiant.

Elliot wants to touch that radiance. 

He wants to draw close to it. 

He doesn't want to be alone anymore. 

Maybe, Josh is the answer.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

He watches Nightmare on Elm Street for the second time that week. It's such a classic. He lays back on his bed, in his boxers and watches as Johnny Depp dies bloody and brutal. He hasn't felt like eating today, his depression is getting the best of him. He doesn't feel like doing much of anything to be honest.

His phone buzzes next to him and he picks it up. 

**El:** Come to your window. 

Josh raises his eyebrow. 

He realizes now that Elliot isn't a man of many words. So, instead of asking why, he just gets up and walks over to the window, opening it up and pulling open the curtains. It takes a few seconds, but Elliot is there. “Hey, man.”

“Hey,” he says back. 

“What's up?,” Josh asks, leaning against the windowsill.

“Here,” Elliot says, throwing something across way, it sails through the window and lands behind Josh. 

He moves back, looking around and finds a box... of blueberry poptarts. What? Oh yeah... he had complained earlier that he was out and couldn't find the heart to go out the door and take his car to the grocery store. He moves back to the window. “You didn't have to do that, El.”

“It's nothing,” Elliot says, a slight shrug.

“I could have given you the money, bro,” Josh says, frowning a little.

Elliot just stares for a moment, then speaks. “I need to get back to something. Talk later.” 

Elliot moves away from the window and shuts the curtain but keeps the window open. Josh stares for a few seconds stands up and walks away from the window, opening the poptart box because he suddenly feel hungry. He tosses the open box on the bed, rips open the package and bites into the blueberry goodness. He smiles to himself, glancing at the window again. 

Hannah and Beth, standing in the corner of the room, doesn't even bother him.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

He's hacked Josh's webcam. He doesn't spend a lot of time on the computer except to check facebook, and IM people. He doesn't really look at sites too much but tonight, Josh is looking up websites on how to kill himself.

The look on his face is desperation. There's tears in his eyes. There are times Elliot wanted to die but he doesn't feel suicidal. 

Right now he's panicking, he wants to reach out to Josh and help him. Hug him. Which is strange for him but he has to do something.

Josh's head goes into his hands, and then his head drops back as he let's out a gut wrenching sob. “Why do I have to be this way?” 

Tears spring to Elliot's eyes and he sniffs, getting up as he shuts down his PC and walks down into the kitchen. He grabs a six pack of sprite, a bag of sweet chili doritos and then the first three back to the future movies from the dvd tower.

He wipes his watery eyes at the front door and then walks across the yard, onto the Washington's porch. He knocks hard enough, hoping Josh hears. He has to knock for the next three minutes and finally he hears footsteps approaching. 

The door opens and Josh's eyes are red. “Sup?”

“Came over to hang,” Elliot says, and it sounds so strange coming out of his mouth. 

Josh eyes the sustenance and dvds critically. “Okay.” 

He follows Josh inside. “Back to the future. I bet you're a fan.”

“Some of the best films in history. One of the best trilogies infact,” Josh says as he walks into the kitchen. “I'm going to make some popcorn.” 

He wants to ask how he's doing but he doesn't know how to breach the subject. It'll be too suspicious. Maybe he already knows. No, he can't. He never mentioned he's a hacker. That makes people nervous.

“I'm going to head into the living room,” He says as he takes the items in there and drops them on the coffee table. Then he figures out how to set up the first dvd and sits on the couch. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Josh comes in and sits on the opposite side, bowl of popcorn between on the coffee table, a tub of sour cream and a bag of Halloween chocolates. “Gotta have chocolate, no movie is good without it.”

“What's with the sour cream?,” Elliot asks as he presses play on the remote.

“For the Doritos. You gotta try it, man,” Josh says, grinning but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

Anything to make Josh happy for the moment. He opens the bag and then picks up the tub of sour cream, dipping a dorito inside. He takes a bite and somehow it's better than he was imagining. It's too good. “That's... really good.”

“I know, right? My sister Beth introduced me to it. I haven't been able to eat Doritos without it since,” Josh admits, a small smile on his face. Then his face changes, he looks skittish and he's frowning, his eyes slightly glazed. 

“Are you seeing them now?,” He asks, because he sees Mr. Robot, he's standing by the tv. Just staring. He doesn't talk as much anymore since the meds. 

Josh blinks and looks over. “What?”

“Your sisters. Are you seeing them?,” Elliot repeats, eating another dorito with sour cream. This might just be addicting. 

Josh nods slowly. “Yeah. I forgot to take my dose earlier, so I only took it about a half hour ago and it'll be a little while before it kicks in.”

“I could start making sure you take your medicine. I have mine divided up in a night and day pillbox,” Elliot offers. 

Josh stares ahead. “Why are you talking so much?”

Elliot blinks. “Am I not supposed to?”

“No, not that. It's just you don't talk a lot, so why the change of heart?,” Josh asks, glancing at him. 

“I'm comfortable around you,” Elliot half admits. _And I don't want you to die..._

There's silence besides Marty McFly talking on the big screen television. “Okay.”

“Okay what?,” Elliot asks. 

“You can help me with my medication,” Josh says, smiling. 

“Okay,” Elliot says. “I'll go get you a pillbox tomorrow.”

“I'll pay,” Josh says.

“Okay,” Elliot nods, but it wouldn't be a big deal to pay for it. His mom may not spend time with him, but she pays for anything he needs.

They lapse into silence and watch the movie. Halfway into the third movie, Josh lays down, half asleep. “Hey...,” Elliot starts.

“Mmm...?,” Josh questions, his head near Elliot's thigh.

“Put your head in my lap. You'll be more comfortable,” Elliot suggests, nervous. 

Josh cracks open an eye and stares at him. “Why?”

“If you don't want to it's okay,” Elliot back tracks, feeling embarrassed. Why does he always say the wrong thing?

Josh stares at him for a moment longer, before placing his head in Elliot's lap and turns to face the movie. His feet still hang a little over the arm of the couch. “You're not gay are you?”

Is he? He doesn't know. He's never had feelings for a male but Josh is a close thing. Maybe this is narcissism at it's finest. “I don't know,” he answers honestly.

Josh doesn't say anything. “It's okay if you are.”

“I really don't know,” Elliot admits, as his fingers traitorously find their way into Josh's wavy hair. 

Josh hums, closing his eyes. 

“Josh,” Elliot says.

He's nearly asleep now, but he says mm.

“You're going to be okay,” Elliot reassures quietly.

Josh smacks his lips. “Mm... okay.” And then he falls asleep. 

Elliot plays with Josh's hair until he himself falls asleep without much warning.

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

They lay in the grass together, smoking a blunt. It's silent. Apparently Elliot's father, Mr. Robot, is laying next to him while Josh's sisters sit against the tree, silent. Elliot started making his pills up two weeks ago and every morning and ever evening he texts Josh to take his meds. Sometimes, he remembers to text Elliot to take his own, since he admitted he loses tracks of days and time. It's a joint effort.

“I like being in this little bubble,” Elliot says quietly.

“Where it's peaceful, no outside influence? Just a good friend and some awesome pot?,” Josh asks, chuckling.

“Yeah, and having a friend I don't have to worry about judging me,” Elliot admits, taking a long hit and exhaling. 

“Yeah, we're both crazy. No judgment here,” Josh says, smiling as his throat is dry and he needs a drink but he's too lazy to get up and go get it. 

“Mr. Robot says you're good for me. I'm beginning to agree with him,” Ellioit says, handing the blunt over.

Josh feels good all over, as he takes a long inhale and exhale. “Wish my sisters could be positive like that.”

“They might someday. He can be both negative and positive. Guess it depends on my alters mood,” Elliot says, arm behind his head. 

“Want a shotgun?,” Josh asks. His sisters aren't alters, which is good, he doesn't think it'd be a very sane experience of anyone if they were.

“Yeah,” Elliot says, sitting up and taking his other hand out of his hoodie pocket. 

Josh sits up too, their knees and thighs touch as he gets as close as possible. Then puts the cherry in his mouth, cups around Elliot's mouth and blows. Elliot takes it like a champ and Josh pulls back, taking a hit off the blunt. 

As Elliot exhales, something unexpected happens. One minute Josh is hitting the blunt again and then he feels lips on his, somehow both soft and dry. He blinks, eyes wide open. He knows it's Elliot and he doesn't know how to feel about it. Elliot keeps kissing him, he doesn't know if it's the weed or what but he feels sparks through his lips, down his back and then Elliot pulls back, looking embarrassed.

“I'm sorry,” Elliot says apologetically quiet. “I don't know what I was thinking.” then he's looking down, like he wants to hide inside himself. 

Josh stares at him for a few seconds. He's not gay. He's not but somehow he finds himself dropping the blunt in the grass and taking Elliot by the face gently, kissing him back with a softness and gentleness he didn't think he had in him. Elliot responds in kind and little smacking noises fill the air. 

Their tongues touch, just a little and Josh pulls Elliot's generous top lip into his mouth, biting gently. Elliot let's out a little noise, but it's not obscene, not like some girls he's kissed. Somehow Elliot's hands find Josh's broad shoulders, grasping for purchase and then Josh pulls back, trying to catch their breaths. 

They don't say anything for the longest time. Josh just smiles, he glances over and Elliot has a ghost of a smile pulling at his lips. “So, what's it mean?,” Josh asks, not wanting to press but he's naturally curious and wants to know.

“I don't know,” Elliot admits, he's telling the truth. 

“Do you have feelings for me?,” Josh continues.

Elliot is silent for a long time, then speaks. “I think so.” 

“I think I feel for you too,” Josh admits, kissing him on the corner of his mouth. “Definitely having feelings.”

Elliot chuckles, and it surprises Josh. He's never heard him laugh. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Josh says, grabbing him by the chin and kissing him again.

Elliot's eyes are the greenest he's ever seen. “I watch you sometimes.”

Josh frowns. “Through the window?”

Elliot looks straight at him. “No. ...I'm a hacker.”

Josh's heart stops in his chest. “What?”

Then Elliot tells him everything, which just makes Josh sick to his stomach. “Leave.”

“Josh,” Elliot whispers. 

“Leave now,” Josh stresses, somehow he's not angry, he's just upset, feels invaded and hurt. 

Elliot doesn't say anything else, he gets up and stumbles from the backyard, putting on his sneakers as he trails through the back door. 

Josh just sits there, picks up the stogie and put it out in the dirt. He doesn't know what else to feel about this, just what he currently feels. 

Is Elliot even who he says he is?

xxxxxRPLxxxxx

He knew if they were going to continue, he couldn't keep this to himself. It needed to be put out there, and if they don't move past it, he knows he'll be crushed. He hasn't talked to Josh in the last four days, he's been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing his stupidity away.

But he can't regret it. He would have never plucked up the courage to go talk to Josh without knowing the things wrong with him. He... he's happy that he did. That he found out. He still texts him about his meds but never gets any response. 

His non-hacking cell buzzes next to him, he picks it up.

 **Josh:** Are you even real?

What? What's that supposed to mean? Elliot texts back a simple 'Huh?'

 **Josh:** Are you a figment too? Did I make you up?

Elliot texts back 'I'm real.'

 **Josh:** Is anything about you the truth? 

'I only deceived you. I never lied.'

 **Josh:** Fair enough. 

'I'm sorry, Josh. I never met for it to go this far.'

 **Josh:** How you feel about me or...?

'How I kept deceiving you. I don't regret how I feel about you.'

 **Josh:** Come over.

He doesn't answer, he just pulls on his clothes, slips his phone in his pocket and walks over next door. 

Josh pulls open the door before he knocks. “I have some ground rules.”

Elliot stares. “Okay.”

“You can't watch me through my webcam anymore, without my permission. If you want to watch me, ask first and we'll set up a skype chat,” Josh says, crossing his arms. 

Elliot nods, subtle. 

“You have to stop checking in with my therapist's notes. I'll tell you what I talked about after my appointments. Okay?,” Josh keeps going.

“Okay,” Elliot says, swallowing. Because that's going to be hard. It's become something he does after Josh's every appointment. It's a comfort. 

“If I decide not to tell you certain things, you'll have to just deal, man,” Josh warns. “And I'd like if you tell me what you learn about yourself in your own sessions. Whatever you want. Give and take, El.” 

“That's...okay,” Elliot says, nodding jerkily. 

“Just okay?,” Josh asks, frowning.

“No, I get it. I understand. It's a two way thing and I can't invade your privacy...,” Elliot clutches. “But it's going to be hard. I... tend to hack people because I'm afraid of getting close to others. I feel like I'm close to them by knowing their innermost parts of their lives without having to be I'm sorry.”

“I'm here, Elliot. I can talk, I can share, you don't have to do that with me,” Josh says quietly, reaching out and placing a hand on Elliot's arm. 

Elliot takes a deep breath, in and out. “Okay, I'll try.”

“That's all I ask, man,” Josh says, grabbing him by the arms and dragging him inside. 

They stand in the doorway as Josh captures his mouth in his and kisses him a little more passionately than Elliot is used to. Elliot manages to find the energy to keep up as Josh backs them into the living room. Is this going too fast? Maybe. But they're two grown men, in their prime. Why not? They're not getting any younger. 

Josh pulls back from him and he feels self-conscious. He's never been naked in front of a guy before except in the school showers as a kid, not because he's about to do something with one. “I can't.”

“You can't what?,” Josh asks, eyebrow raised. “Are you changing your mind?”

“Nah, I just... I can't go that far right now. Get naked, not yet,” Elliot says, candidly. 

Josh throws his head back and laughs in a way Elliot hasn't seen before. “Hey, I'm gay for you but not that gay yet. I figured we could lay on the couch and make out a little.” 

A smile pulls at Elliot's lips. “I can do that,” he says as he moves forward and brings his hands to Josh's face, bringing him forward. 

The kiss is sweet, slow and everything he wishes would stay this way. 

Josh smiles against his lips and Elliot knows, without a doubt: they're going to be more than fine.


End file.
